So here it is.

I pissed off my boss today. Maybe, accidentally, on purpose, I don't know... I didn't SET OUT to do it. Yet, it happened. He won't fire me and I don't think I want him to do so, but, all I can think is... What the fuck is wrong with me? I need this job and I love aspects of it and there are people STARVING. Yet, my selfish soul will go all willy-nilly and start TRYING to lose a "good" job, o.k., A JOB...that sucks. But it is MINE and I get by with murder and still try to get by with more... Am I trying to buck a system that is not ready to be fucked with? Am I allowed to get pissy when I know I'm right? Can I continue to get by with job roulette? You can be some people's friends, drink with them, KNOW them (I have more than one boss, three, in fact) like family, but they still hold your existence in their ever fickle grasp. What does that mean? Where do I run when the friendships grow stale and my personality is no longer a resume?